pimping isn't easy
by bittersweet saturn
Summary: um... i think i've gone insane. snake a pimp? raiden in red? *checks straight jacket* yep. i'm nuts. rating b/c i'm not sure.


Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear, Snake, Otacon, or Raiden, Ocelot, Rose, Solidus, Liquid, bla bla bla, or anything else in the world. I made this computer out of coconuts, squirrels and feather boas. Well that's enough of a disclaimer, I think.  
  
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Um… don't blame me, blame my muse! *Points at small penguin battling a straightjacket* I couldn't resist this fic. *Ducks from flying fruit* Sorry!  
  
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Snake held onto Raiden and Otacon's shoulders loosely, grinning. A gold tooth glimmered, reflecting the light. Otacon wore a black leather skirt and a belly shirt. He preened his gelled hair, and puckered his darkened lips. His glasses were absent, in their place were contacts to bring out the green in his eyes. Glitter shone on his cheekbones, as they did on Raiden's. The white-haired boy, however, was in an impossibly short red dress, matching fishnet stockings, with ruby red pumps that could put Dorothy to shame. His pout was redder than his dress, and he giggled at Snake. Snake wore a green fur coat and feathered hat, and, of course, was smoking a cigarette.  
  
The three walked down the foggy street in unison, much to the appreciation of the clusters of people crowding the lines for clubs. One man tried to caress Raiden's arm, and promptly had a broken hand.  
  
"No one touches *this* girl without Snake's permission," the boy said with a flip of his hair. He glared at the offending manhandler, who whimpered and crawled away into the shadows. Snake looked at Raiden and cupped his chin in his hand.  
  
"Now, be nice to the mean men, you can be naughty later," Raiden blushed and giggled.  
  
"Sorry, Sir," Otacon sighed and checked his makeup in a car's side mirror. Satisfied that his blue and green eyeshadow wasn't smudged, he smiled winsomely at Snake. The mullet-bearing man took a drag on his cigarette and took a long look at his best goods.  
  
"Let's find a few customers, ladies," Raiden bounced up and down and clapped his hands, giggling. Snake gave a quick sidelong glance at Jack. Maybe he shouldn't have let him have that last dose of Tylenol. It was almost embarrassing. The boy looked guilty and stopped bouncing. Otacon smiled and held Snake's arm closer.  
  
"Can we go to the Pink Hop afterwards? I want to see if my favorite DJ is there tonight," Otacon pulled on Snake's jacket sleeve imploringly and said,  
  
"I want to get those new pumps I saw yesterday at Shoes 'R' Us. Please, Snake, I want to go there," Snake looked at the two with serious eyes.  
  
"Maybe. First, let's find a few lonely men a warm companion or two," He scanned a few of the larger groups of people, fiddling with a gold chain. The green ostrich feather fell in his eyes; irritated, he threw it back in place. Raiden shifted from foot to foot, impatient. Otacon winked at a shady figure, who eyed him from an alley with scarcely concealed lust. Snake, noticing the man, put on his best "used car dealer" face, and strutted towards the shrouded man, Raiden and Otacon in arms.  
  
Raiden felt uneasy suddenly, and squirmed unconsciously in Snake's embrace. He pulled his short dress down, feeling exposed. Otacon looked at him pointedly, whispering a threat to keep quiet. He wanted those pumps *very* badly. A few hoots and hollers followed the three. They reached the man, who sat up straighter. Snake started the dealings.  
  
"You look lonely, sailor. These fine bitches-" he paused and smacked the two's asses, "might be able to ease your tension. They do anything, anything at all. Isn't that right, ladies?" Otacon nodded, Raiden grinned. Snake grinned at the man in the alley, gold tooth shining in the light for all it was worth.  
  
The man raked the pair with his eyes, holding his chin in his hand. Slowly he stepped out from the shadowy alley. Raiden gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. Otacon pointed and gaped. The man laughed quietly. Snake's cigarette fell out of his mouth.  
  
"Ocelot!" There he was, standing right in front of them, and they all managed to forget their weapons. Otacon took a few steps back, pulling at Snake's fluffy sleeve. The white haired, weathered man put his hand in his pocket, and both Snake and Raiden unconsciously went for theirs. Ocelot, however, only pulled out a wad of green papers. Raiden spoke first.  
  
"Just what do you think you're doing? You think we'll just go with you, after all you did to us?" Snake silenced the steaming boy with a hand, and watched Ocelot's hands. He *did* have a lot of money, afterwards. Otacon hugged Snake around his stomach, and whimpered. Irritated, Snake shoved him off. Ocelot raised an eyebrow, laughing again.  
  
"I don't think you have a choice in the matter, eh, boy?" Raiden was livid.  
  
"You nearly killed us all! Snake, we can find another customer, can't we? Oh, please don't make us-" A slap shut him up. Snake lit another cigarette while Raiden rubbed his cheek. Otacon was torn. He looked at Snake, then Raiden, the Ocelot. He did want to please Snake, but this was going too far. He would not whore himself for just anyone. Although, Ocelot was intriguing. Ocelot just gazed at the pair of fidgeting whores with his low, mocking laugh. He looked at Snake in the eyes, and spoke.  
  
"I'll pay whatever you ask. These two boys need to learn some obedience, after all. I'm prepared to do… nasty… things to them, if necessary," Ocelot licked his lips and closed his eyes. Raiden turned redder than his shoes, and Otacon went sheet-white. Snake rubbed his stubble and looked at the money in Ocelot's hand again.  
  
"How much you want for these fine bitches, Solid?"  
  
"How much you got?" Snake looked shrewdly at the other man. Ocelot looked sadly down at his wad. He had to pay for a hotel room and Chinese food afterwards. He looked up to Snake and said,  
  
"200 for both of them," Raiden and Otacon objected. They were worth more than that! Snake took a long drag and shook his head.  
  
"300. Got to pay the rent, after all," Ocelot scowled and looked again at his money. It had been so long, though. No one seemed to want to sleep with a schizophrenic with an alternate personality in his arm. These two were almost in his grasp, and were so willing. He couldn't let them go! Sighing inwardly, he relented.  
  
"Fine, you bastard. Just let me have them for the night, and I'll return them to you, relatively unharmed…" Otacon squirmed, trying to hide his unease and increasingly tight skirt. Ocelot had always seemed so mysterious to him, so alluring. He was broken out of his thoughts by Snake.  
  
"Make it 500, and it's a deal. Just don't damage any major bits. I'm going to need these two for later on, you know," Ocelot nodded as he hastily counted out five 100-dollar bills. He eyed the two, especially Raiden. The glimpses he'd gotten when the boy had been in the torture device weren't enough to satisfy his curiosity. Now he'd finally be able to feel, to fondle, to do all of the things he'd wanted to for so long. This dark haired Otacon, though, he was new. And inviting, by the looks of it. Ocelot cleared his throat and handed Snake the money. Raiden sniffled, the effects of the Tylenol gone now. He wasn't giggling or bouncing anymore, much to the relief of Snake.  
  
Snake adjusted his bright green coat and counted the money, then put it in some hidden pocket inside the fur jacket. He gently pushed Raiden, whose face was still a mix of outrage, embarrassment, and curiosity, and Otacon, who looked as if he might explode right there on the street, towards Ocelot's waiting arms.  
  
"Enjoy, although I don't think I need to tell you that. You two, be good, and do whatever Mr. Shalashaska says," Ocelot squeezed Raiden's ass and pulled him closer to him. He looked Otacon up and down, and reached under his skirt. His suspicions were confirmed; this Otacon was as hard as he was. Raiden, that delectable little bit of boy meat, and Otacon, the voice made flesh, (and what a wonderful flesh it was) were hanging on his arms, if trembling slightly. Good. That would make things more interesting. Ocelot looked at Snake and smirked.  
  
"I'll take good care of them, Solid. Good evening," Snake finished his cigarette and threw it down on the dingy ground. He turned and left, strutting like the man he was, with newfound riches and a new customer. Now he could finally buy that new purple coat he'd been eyeing in that store's windows. He turned to find Ocelot talking quietly to Ocelot, who was squirming uncomfortably, and exploring Raiden's body with his other hand. The three walked down the alley, into the shadows. Snake silently hoped that Ocelot meant what he said about returning them safely. He was sort of fond of the two, despite their constant whining.  
  
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Hmm. I think my brain needs checking. Any requests for other chapters? What about taking it off ff.net? Any for raping and pillaging Otacon's place? Let me know. ^_^ 


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